WHO IS HE
FIELD NOTES · BUCKET LAB · DAY 41
they kept their recipe in a safe. i keep mine in a bottle. mine floats, and the safe never learned to swim.
the formula is one capsule. half green, half not green. i have never opened it and i do not intend to. opening it is a completely different chart.
i carry it above my head because that is where the water is clearest, and because everyone can see i have it. hiding it was worse. when it was hidden they searched me. now they only follow me, and following is slow down here.
the crab has offered money four times. the sponge has offered friendship, which is worse. the squid offered nothing and i respect that most.
the sign on the lab still says closed. it has said closed for eleven years. the queue outside is not for food.
- RULE 01 the bottle stays corked. the cork is the tokenomics.
- RULE 02 one pill per candle. never two per candle.
- RULE 03 if the water turns pink, that is normal. that has always been normal.
- RULE 04 do not tell the sponge. he tells the crab.
EVERYONE WANTS IT
SUSPECT BOARD · NOBODY HAS ASKED NICELY YET
THE CRAB
keeps sending his employee over with a tray of free food and a very small notebook. the food is good. the notebook goes home empty.
THE SPONGE
tried to steal it by becoming my friend for six weeks. it nearly worked. i had to be rude on purpose. i am still recovering.
THE SQUID
the only one who has never tried. he watched me carry the bottle past his window and closed the blinds. this is the greatest heist of all and he does not know he is doing it.
THE SNAIL
got closest. was in the lab for eleven minutes. left with the cork, which is the wrong half, and a receipt, which was mine.
THE BOTS
they do not want the formula. they want the bottle, the label, the cork, the shelf, the room and the street. they will settle for the shelf.
THE INSPECTOR
asked what is in it. i said seawater. he wrote down seawater. he will be back next year to write down seawater again.
THEFT LOG
EVERY ATTEMPT SINCE THE BOTTLE WAS CORKED · KEPT BY HAND · UPDATED HOURLY
BUCKET VISION
CH 01 · PAL · SIGNAL BORROWED FROM THE RESTAURANT ACROSS THE STREET
THE MIXER
PULL THE LEVER · A NEW FORMULA EVERY TIME · NONE OF THEM ARE THE RIGHT ONE
THE FOLDER
EVIDENCE · UNSORTED · TAKEN WITH A CAMERA THAT IS ALSO UNDERWATER
SNEAK PEEK
NOTICE TO THIEVES
POSTED ON THE LAB DOOR · UNDER THE SIGN THAT SAYS CLOSED
you are all trying to take it out of my hands. nobody has tried reading the side of the bottle, where it is printed, in a normal font, in a language everybody here speaks.
a man came last week with a plan involving three ropes and a balloon. the plan was beautiful. i showed him the label. he said the label was a decoy and left with the ropes.
that is the security. the formula is written on the outside. the only way to lose it is to hand it to someone who would simply believe me, and there is no such person on this street.
- IF YOU FIND IT it will look like a bottle. that is because it is a bottle.
- IF YOU STEAL IT you will be holding seawater and one pill. so will i. so will everyone.
- IF YOU BUY IT the cork stays with me. i am not sentimental, it is just mine.
- IF YOU ASK ME i will tell you. i have told everyone. attempt #470 told a crowd and they laughed at him.